Okay, I've probably been lurking a little too long without actually, you know, publicly introducing myself. Reintroducing myself? Although I guess there aren't many people that could really apply to, huh. [She pauses, purses her lips, then shakes her head; there are a lot of people she misses that aren't around anymore, and she's not going to let herself get into it.]

Right, so. Hi, my name's Olive, and I was here a couple months ago my time but actually like a year and a half Barge time, thanks Admiral, and now I'm back! I like long walks on the beach, reading Hawthorne - don't give me that look I know you're giving me looks - and song and dance numbers that happen for no apparent reason. I'm half convinced these happened all the time in the 80s, and I'm eternally bummed I did not live through it.

[She smiles, ducks her head in a half embarrassed way before shrugging.] Anyway, good to be back, and I guess...if anyone needs anything, let me know? Because I recall how boring downtime can be here.

Oh! [And now a very serious face, and she is leaning in toward the camera, gripping the side of the communicator to hold it steady on her face.]

I've got a very, very important question, Barge. I haven't seen mention of him so I'm already expecting to be disappointed, but if none of you mentioned him then we are having a talk. But here it is:

Has Ferris Beuller ever been on board?

[Private to Merlin]

It occurs to me that I have not made you pancakes and I promised I would. So what are you doing around noon? Hint: the answer should be 'watching you make pancakes, Olive.' Though I'd also accept 'watching you get flour everywhere, Olive.'

[Private to Lua]

Uh, hey! Merlin told me you manage the lunch shift now, and I kind of promised him forever ago I'd make him pancakes. Could we borrow the key today, before lunch? Promise I'll clean up.

[Lol backdated to after Heero's graduation announcement, I'm a fail. :| Olive is sitting in front of her webcam, looking happier than she has in a while. At least until people started leaving, anyway.She's even smiling a little, look at that.]

So, Heero graduated, and that means my work here is pretty much done, right? I thought about staying, but this is pretty much the worst place ever to run away from your problems to. So I'm going home. I think I lost sight of some things here, and I don't...really want to be that girl.

[THAT GIRL PRETENDING TO BE A SUPER SLUT BACK HOME, YEAH THAT ONE :C]

So I'm going home to, you know. Face my problems and all that crap.

[Private to Merlin]

You're a really awesome guy, you know. And you shouldn't have to hide who you are. When I see you again - and I better, or the Admiral will be hearing from my lawyer - I am making you pancakes.

( blahb lah santa blah )

[Here we have Olive, looking tired and a little drawn, but mostly back to her perky self. She's trying.] So here's what I've realized in the past week, Barge. I have been sulking, and sulking is really, really boring.

I mean, we're talking con your friends into painting a fence levels of boring, here. So I am done with it.

Which means I'm in the market for something to do. Anything, really. Did I miss out on the karaoke? Because boredom dictates I'm willing to humiliate myself just for something to do. I will also not say no to any of the following:

• Pool parties
  
• Girls' night
  
• Girls night with a side of less sexism and more hanging out in the pub
  
• Dramatic readings of Sex and Sensibility, Jane Eyre, anything we've got laying around

I'm so not kidding about a dramatic reading. I will request paint and con you all into painting the railing with me if necessary.

...Are we getting new people again? You'd think the Admiral would spare a week.

[And edited in after Rhade pointed it out:] ...I meant Sense. Sense and Sensibility. Not sex.

[Someone is VERY GLAD to be off the ship and LOVING being in a foreign country.] Heero, we're going shopping. You need more than bicycle shorts to wear. And we're getting you an iPod. And maybe a pet. How do you feel about a haircut?

[Sorry buddy you're getting all the attention. c:]

Paris! This is so awesome. It almost makes up for all the crazy that's been going on. Actually, it would make up for it, if the Eiffel Tower was open. Or...there. Seriously, it's only 2020, what the hell happens in ten years?

[No, this will not keep her down.]

Oh my God, I just passed like three cafes, they smell amazing. Martha, remind me to get souffle and go to Victor Hugo's house. I will be so depressed if I can't eat a souffle while staring at Victor Hugo's house.

Can we just stay here? Not forever, but I don't know, a week at least? Three days isn't nearly enough time.

[The audio picks up with the thump of a door closing. Olive is getting the hell off the deck.] Is anyone else hearing shit up on deck? God, that was the creepiest thing, and I swear, if someone was just out of sight and mumbling things? I'm going to hit you. Because now I've got nightmare fodder for days. There are reasons I skip out on horror movies. It's just not my thing.

Does anyone else have to deal with huge Items? Cause this is starting to get ridiculous. I need to bring my bag with me everywhere I go just so I'm not holding it in my hand the whole time. [Because walking around with a giant vibrator is just kind of odd.] If a kid named Brandon from Ojai shows up, direct him to me. I'm going to beat him with this thing. [Oh God he might like it.] Or something.

[And here are the sounds of a fiddling door.] Great, now my door's stu-- HOLY SHIT!

[Enjoy those annoying scrabbling sounds of movement, then a clatter; she dropped her device when she threw herself against the opposite wall and lol, like hell is she getting closer to the door to pick it up.]

Holy - oh my God whoever's in there, come out. How did you even - it was locked...

So that was fun and enlightening, but I'm going to dial it back to say that being a princess in a tower? Really sucks. There were like three books to read. And that was it.

Now, rocketing ahead past our head on collision with forced truthfulness: what's next? I'm seriously asking, what hasn't happened to the people on this boat yet? Or ship. Ship, sorry, it's more of a ship than a boat. Are you going to break out into song and dance, have a High School Musical? Because I would really like to sit that one out. What about being force to speak in iambic pentameter? ...I might actually be able to pull that off.

Personally, I'm going for generally making ourselves look silly in a way we can all just laugh about it later. Hah hah. Like that.

How often do we get floods like that?

In other news, I think we should put together a, dare I say it, party. A big hang out. Possibly but not necessarily with alcohol. It could be fun?

[Private to the Admiral]

I want to take Heero home with me. Just for a week or so, so he can see what a normal family is like. I mean mine isn't the most normal of normal, but it'll work out. I'll take complete responsibility. Nothing bad will happen, and he won't run off to be free of the Bargef orever or anything like that, promise. Pleeeeaaase?

[Anyone on deck this morning may have heard a comical scream as Olive fell overboard when the Admiral came in for a landing. Anyone looking at their communicator now can see hair. Lots and lots and LOTS of red hair.]

Is this a joke? Hah hah, this is hilarious, is that good enough? Anybody? Admiral? Bueller? God, Bueller, come save me. ...And bring scissors.

[Olive is picking up a bunch of red hair in her arms, staring at it, and then throwing it over her shoulder.]

There is no way this is all my hair. There are no doors. Just this one stupid window and I am up way too high for there not to be some kind of staircase. Who has a ladder?

[And as she takes a few steps toward the window, she gets tripped up - by her hair - and falls. The communicator clatters to the floor, and someone is trying to curse.] Fudge! Fudge! ...What the--

Oh my God. I'm Rapunzel. With a f--f--fabulous filter. [And face palm. You can hear it.]

[Private to Heero]

[Added a little later, after she. Gets untangled.] Hey, Heero, where are you? Did you stay on board? [Halp. :|]

So I asked to play some pool last time and got nada, and you know, Barron had a really good idea. Sporting events! Because that's what every prison/barge/Good Ship What the Hell needs, right? We've got a huge spool. I mean, that thing was made for swimming competitions. We can set up chairs and stuff too! And there would be no weapons allowed. That would be cheating. Heckling, however, is a time honored sport all its own, and will be necessary for at least two thirds of the competition.

We could also have a pool league. Which is why I started with pool, the other kind of pool, not the wet-pool, are we all on the same page? Awesome.

So, wow. A lot of people have been going. I mean, it's kind of awesome, don't get me wrong, seeing that this whole system actually works - it's really relieving to know that despite some crap, it's actually worth it. I mean, I think it is, anyway. It seems like it is. I wonder if I can fit my whole foot in my mouth. But I guess this means we should be looking at an influx of new people soon, right? I mean, it's pretty regular, isn't it?

[Private to Barron]

How's that book club coming?

[Private to Snape]

For the record, I usually sing in empty rooms. Into paintbrushes. Where no one can hear me.

[Private to Heero]

[Lol trying not to grin.] How about that flood, huh?

[Olive has an orange. She is just turning it over in her hands while laying on her stomach on her bed, feet up in the air.] So, did you guys know that oranges are actually hybrids? Yeah, they're basically what came out of some ancient cultivation of a pomelo and a mandarin. I would love to know who had that idea, or who had the idea to make mutant fruit first, you know? Who took two different pieces of fruit in the same general family, and thought, you know, I want to combine these in some mutant awesome science so I can see the result.

Pretty sure I'd have to shake their hands, because this is the best mutant hybrid I've ever had.

[Aaand she's digging her thumb nail into it to start peeling it, tossing the rind over the side of the bed where...there is presumably a trash can.]

They also used them during the bubonic plague, I think, it was kind of cool. They took whole cloves and shoved them into an unpeeled orange, like all the way around. Early potpourri. It actually smells totally awesome.

Has anyone ever had wassail? It's this hot drink that was supposedly like mulled wine or cider or ale, but now it's like orange juice and a lot of other stuff, like cinnamon and nutmeg and...cardamon? Maybe Cardamon.

[And she has a slice sparated, now, and is holding it up for the camera.]

That, ladies and gentleman of the Barge of the Not-Quite-Damned, is how you peel an orange. Which, coincidentally, is classified as a type of berry. Which I still find kind of weird. It's a hesperidium. Go ahead, say it with me. Hesperidium.

[Om nom orange.]

So I propose someone decorates oranges with cloves and helps me hang them all over the barge.

That, or someone play pool with me.

So this is what you guys warned me about, huh. [Someone seems kind of put out. And maybe a tiny bit shaken. And bruised, but she's ignoring that. She's got a guitar in her lap, but she's just holding it there, not playing.]

I don't get how you can just - shoot someone and--

No, sorry, we don't need more of that. [She leans forward and fiddles at the computer, and in the background Pocket Fulla Sunshine is now playing quietly. Then she leans back in her chair again, hands on the guitar.]

I painted my dog's nails to this, once. Best waste of a Saturday night ever. [But she shakes her head a little, waving a hand.] I'd serenade you guys, if I knew anything serenade worthy...You know, I could seriously use some Starbucks right now, and I know, I'm dating my generation really hideously with that but sometimes a mocha frappe really brightens a day. Or a week. Especially one like this has been.

Did you know they make alcoholic whip cream? It tastes kind of like bad maple syrup. ....Which I know only through hearsay, of course, I mean obviously. [Have a look that is totally innocent but also says lol not really.] I wonder if there's any in the pub. I bet that in some coffee would be a great pick-me-up.

[She starts strumming the guitar. Nothing really magical, just a chord or two or three in no particular order.] So do new people come in every month? I mean, it's starting to seem like that, but Jesus, how have we not hit overcrowding yet?

[Private to Heero]

Did you come through okay?

[Private to the Admiral]

Can I have a pair of those safari vest things,and giant nets? ...And one safari hat.

[Olive has found a merchant stand thingy and is pretty damn stoked. When she gets the camera on, she flashes a grin before fixing the camera on what looks a little like a music player. It's alien, but it wasn't hard to figure out.]

Hey Marco, is Who Let the Dogs Out stuck in your head? [Have some alien, slightly techno music that, though unrecognizable, has a beat and melody like Pocket Full of Sunshine and the Whoo Hoo Song. CATCHY AS HELL. IT WILL NEVER LEAVE YOUR MIND.]

I wonder if I can make this my ringtone. Hey, Heero! Come on, check this out, it's great. Do you want one? [She is not above buying her way into your heart with the Admiral's money. c:]

Right, so! Inmates. This is awesome, I figured I'd be waiting a while. Hey, Heero? I don't think we've actually met yet, but I'm Olive, not to be confused with Wichita, who kinda looks like me, and I'm your new warden. Hi. I've got your file here, and I figured we should, I don't know. Actually talk, face to face.

[So she can decide if he is actually dangerous or not. :|]

Unrelatedly, how the hell do you guys deal with this...face twin thing? I mean, doubles are pretty intense in literature and history and all - Stevenson and de Quincy had a lot to say about them - but there's a difference between just musing on this kind of thing or reading about people who mused on it a few centuries ago, and actually having to deal with it.

[...]

Seriously, how many of you have come face to face with your face?

Soooo...is it done? Everything's back to normal, people no longer seem to have dual...or triple personalities?

Is it always this level of no-and-smile-and-back-away-slowly, or was that just a special welcoming flood thing?

[Olive situates the camera, sitting at her desk and peering over her shoulder at her room. There are some clothes visible on the floor peeking out from behind her bed, and on the floor is what looks like a bunch of little red pieces of cloth. It's hard to tell that they're A's.

Olive smiles, and scratches the back of her neck.] So this is kind of weird. I keep thinking my parents are about to walk in. But no, it's just a crazy, kind of creepy boat hallway outside. So. No worry about that, I guess.

[Pause. She runs a hand through her hair uncomfortably, then laughs. It's kind of forced and lame.]...Well this is awkward. So, uh, hi, my name's Olive. Penderghast, for what it's worth. Aaaand I'm a new warden here. On your boat. Of the Damned, or whatever you guys call it. You'd think a giant ship sailing through outer space would have a title a little more, I don't know...flamboyant? Than 'The Barge.'

Right, so, questions. This thing does filters, right? Like friends lists on livejournal and facebook and blogspot? Oh and private stuff, it does that too, right? Hang on, I think I found--

[Private]

[Yes, she found the function, awesome. She waves at the camera. Pauses. Scratches the back of her head. Makes a face and bobs her head to an absent beat.] I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine... Oh my God, that song is going to be in my head for the rest of - I'm talking to myself. That's a good sign.

[Public again!]

Never mind! Got it. Totally. Under. Control. [She even makes a smooth hand gesture.]

Next question! These warden Item...things. Are they usually, uh. Weird and varied objects? [Muttered:] Or am I just reeeaaally lucky.

Man, this is just like blogging. Except, people almost never reply to my blog - but, you know. Don't let holding to traditional norms stop you.

[And added some time later:] One more question, and points if you can tell me this, but who knows what a lemon squeeze and/or melon grab is?